Sunday, June 15, 2014

Paris Hilltern's Guide to Being a Yo-Pro.

Hey.
For those of you who don’t know me (which, I mean, is pretty unlikely since everyone knows me), my name is Paris Hilltern.  This past spring I was feeling ambitious and decided that I needed to experience the “real world” and get a “job,” just to see what everyone was always fussing about.  But at any rate, here I am in Washington, D.C., spending the summer as a Capitol Hill Intern.  Once I accepted the fact that I was the plebeian of the Washingtonian hierarchy (How does that prayer go? Give me coffee to change the things I can and the wine to accept the things I cannot? Pretty sure that’s it.), I began to realize that this might not be the worst decision.  This city is actually an exceptionally trendy place and somewhere someone as fabulous as me could really thrive.  And since I’m a totally generous person, I’ve decided to be your personal guide to a yo-pro (young professional, FYI) experience in Washington, D.C. You’re welcome.

The first thing you have to understand about D.C. is the lifestyle of everyone else here.  Personally, I was thrilled to find myself in a place where ambition is abundant, and everyone power struts and no one wears athletic wear unless they’re actually exercising.  For some of my Mid-Western peers, the social norm of wearing real clothes that aren’t meant to absorb sweat, like, on a tour of the National Archives or to the grocery store was a tough adjustment, but I was relieved to finally be surrounded by people who value self-appearance as much as I do. 

If there’s one thing that yo-pros enjoy more than calling themselves yo-pros, it’s doing things that they can later Instagram and then a. validate their self worth based on how many likes they get, and b. craft the perfect caption to let all of their peasant friends know that they’re #cultured.  Luckily, D.C. is somewhat of an international hotspot, so finding sophisticated/cultured events is not particularly difficult.  One #selfie at a monument, and you’ve fulfilled your quota for the week.  Side note.  Can we talk about the fact that America has built like, a billion monuments to old dead guys who like, founded the country or whatever, and yet not one has been created for the Queen?  I’m talking about Beyoncé, duh.  Everyone start calling your representatives now; the interns who answer the phones love hearing your craziest ideas, promise. 

The great thing about D.C. is that there are as many free events as there are Starbucks lattes in a Congressional office building on a Monday morning.  They probably did this on purpose because this way, you have more funds to invest in your non-athletic wear wardrobe, and you can up your cultured factor!  I have two personal favorites.  The European Union Embassy Open House lets you pretty much tour all of Europe in like, three hours, basically.  I learned all about Austrian folk dancing and fancy cheeses from the Netherlands, without having to subject myself to the horror of a hostel (like, ew).  The second is Jazz in the Garden.  Anyone who’s anyone in yo-pro land knows that the Sculpture Garden of the National Gallery is the place to be on Friday night in the summer.  Even though you have to like, embrace nature and sit on the ground, and be sure to pack your own après-dinner snacks, when your friends from home ask how you spent your Friday night, you can wow them with your appreciation for the finer things in life seeing as you surrounded yourself with classy art and jazz music. 


Well, this has been fun and all, but I have to go plot ways to stage a casual run in with Olivia Pope and so I can give her my resume and become a gladiator/the next star of Scandal.  So I hope you all enjoyed these tips, and I’ll see you on Friday, obvi. 

xoxo,

Paris Hilltern


(AnnMarie Graham)

No comments:

Post a Comment