Hey.
For those of you who don’t know me (which, I mean, is pretty
unlikely since everyone knows me), my
name is Paris Hilltern. This past spring
I was feeling ambitious and decided that I needed to experience the “real
world” and get a “job,” just to see what everyone was always fussing about. But at any rate, here I am in Washington, D.C.,
spending the summer as a Capitol Hill Intern.
Once I accepted the fact that I was the plebeian of the Washingtonian
hierarchy (How does that prayer go? Give me coffee to change the things I can
and the wine to accept the things I cannot? Pretty sure that’s it.), I began to
realize that this might not be the worst decision. This city is actually an exceptionally trendy
place and somewhere someone as fabulous as me could really thrive. And since I’m a totally generous person, I’ve
decided to be your personal guide to a yo-pro (young professional, FYI)
experience in Washington, D.C. You’re welcome.
The first thing you have to understand about D.C. is the
lifestyle of everyone else here.
Personally, I was thrilled to find myself in a place where ambition is
abundant, and everyone power struts and no one wears athletic wear unless
they’re actually exercising. For some of
my Mid-Western peers, the social norm of wearing real clothes that aren’t meant
to absorb sweat, like, on a tour of the National Archives or to the grocery
store was a tough adjustment, but I was relieved to finally be surrounded by
people who value self-appearance as much as I do.
If there’s one thing that yo-pros enjoy more than calling
themselves yo-pros, it’s doing things that they can later Instagram and then a.
validate their self worth based on how many likes they get, and b. craft the
perfect caption to let all of their peasant friends know that they’re
#cultured. Luckily, D.C. is somewhat of
an international hotspot, so finding sophisticated/cultured events is not
particularly difficult. One #selfie at a
monument, and you’ve fulfilled your quota for the week. Side note.
Can we talk about the fact that America has built like, a billion
monuments to old dead guys who like, founded the country or whatever, and yet
not one has been created for the Queen? I’m
talking about Beyoncé, duh. Everyone
start calling your representatives now; the interns who answer the phones love
hearing your craziest ideas, promise.
The great thing about D.C. is that there are as many free
events as there are Starbucks lattes in a Congressional office building on a
Monday morning. They probably did this
on purpose because this way, you have more funds to invest in your non-athletic
wear wardrobe, and you can up your
cultured factor! I have two personal
favorites. The European Union Embassy
Open House lets you pretty much tour all of Europe in like, three hours,
basically. I learned all about Austrian
folk dancing and fancy cheeses from the Netherlands, without having to subject
myself to the horror of a hostel (like, ew).
The second is Jazz in the Garden.
Anyone who’s anyone in yo-pro land knows that the Sculpture Garden of
the National Gallery is the place to be on Friday night in the summer. Even though you have to like, embrace nature
and sit on the ground, and be sure to pack your own après-dinner snacks, when
your friends from home ask how you spent your Friday night, you can wow them
with your appreciation for the finer things in life seeing as you surrounded
yourself with classy art and jazz music.
Well, this has been fun and all, but I have to go plot ways
to stage a casual run in with Olivia Pope and so I can give her my resume and
become a gladiator/the next star of Scandal. So I hope you all enjoyed these tips, and
I’ll see you on Friday, obvi.
xoxo,
Paris Hilltern
(AnnMarie Graham)
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