Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Tyler Shankel's Restaurant Review & Recommendations

One of the most exciting parts of Washington is the cuisine.  For the ambitious young professionals (AYP’s) living here, it is highly recommended that you sample the city’s many restaurants, eateries, and street carts. However, you will want to know which restaurants are of high quality, lest others label you uncultured. Since I am such a fancy person and have eaten at so many different restaurants, I am uniquely qualified to imbibe this advice.  Below are descriptions restaurants I recommend for folks new to the DC area, with my sophisticated opinions about them.

The Hawk ‘n’ Dove - Pennsylvania Avenue SE: The ugly chandeliers and unsettling taxidermy give this restaurant the aura of an inn you might have stumbled across on a lonely English country road circa 1700.  I recommend the forest pizza, not only for its questionable name, but also for the diverse flavorful flora adorning it (it is akin to tasting a forest).  Five stars.

Molly Malone’s - 8th St. SE: Irish themed restaurant with a sublime interior atmosphere.  I recommend eating on the second story on rainy days, when the pale grey light sinks in through the skylights.  You sit, contemplating the transience of life (reading Angela’s Ashes for the full experience).  Gold Medal.

BeanGood!  Coffee Pub - Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA: A fantastic, peaceful study place, sheltered from the intensity of the Hill and DC.  Drinks are very affordable, but still fancy enough to let you feel pretentious anyway.  Bring an old-looking book to set on the table next you, and you’ll look very intellectual.  Highly recommended.

Kabob Bazaar - Wilson Blvd. Arlington, VA: A truly cosmopolitan AYP cannot show off how cosmopolitan they are without eating exotic food.  Most opt for Mexican cuisine, while some risk-takers chose Chinese, but since you want to stand out from the pack, you should try Iranian food.  Delicious and obscure, you will be able to simultaneously enjoy your food and feel superior when you describe it to your peers.  1st place.

The Pour House - Pennsylvania Avenue SE:  This pub has bar food that tastes about as good as bar food.  The staff is down-to-earth and friendly, which may not suit the competitive ladder-climber you are.  Honorable Mention for Best Name Pun.

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