Realities of Living Far Away from Family

There are a variety of reasons that one can be separated from family. Depending on the situation, the reason may be going to college, being deployed for the military, or accepting a job. In my case, it was accepting an internship position in Washington, D.C. By living far away from home, your perspective on the world changes drastically. Unfortunately, there is a sense of loneliness when you live so far; allowing time to reexamine the true meaning of the term “family.” However, wherever you go, taking the comfort in the knowledge that a part of your family’s spirit will always be with you. Such comforts help you truly understand certain aspects about your family, even being hundreds of miles away from them. My experience has allowed me to come to these realizations:

You start thinking independently

You start adapting and making yourself comfortable in new environments. You see yourself as citizen of the world and feel you can survive anywhere without your family. You are independent, bold, and strong wherever you are.

There is a sense of guilt for living so far

If you have an older grandparent, a family member who is struggling with an illness or a sibling dealing with an injury; there is a sense of guilt that you are not there to help take care of them. Also missing exciting events, such as watching your brother’s big touchdown or taking pictures for prom, brings about a sense of guilt for not being able to share those moments with them.   However, your family members want the best for you and understand you can’t be there for everything.

You become left out of family affairs

This includes vacations, birthdays, and anniversaries. Especially, Sunday night dinners when your mom makes your favorite dish. It’s ok to miss the little joys of being with your family when they attend an event or do something without you.

Using any excuse to go see your family

Vacation time becomes a trip home to spend time with your family. Even if it is only a small amount of time, it is still an escape from reality knowing you have to cherish as much time as you can get with them.

Homesick is a real feeling

The feeling of longing to be home with your family may really creep up on you when you least expect it and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.

You create your own sense of family

Find friends who feel like family. Become a member of a church or an organization that will give you a sense of community. They will take you under their wing and start inviting you to their family affairs. It’s also helpful to have people to rely on in a time of need.

You have an evolving relationship with your family

Somehow when you separate yourself from the other members of your family, your relationship with them evolves and take on a new shape. You appreciate them for the people that they are. You realize your parents are also people with dreams, hopes, fears, and baggage. Your siblings are a different version of themselves than the one you have from the past. Realize these small details and make an effort to get to know them better.

Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder

You miss the support and affection that comforted you when you were with them. You treasure the memories and pleasant moments that you experienced with them. It makes it that much better when you are reunited.  

While some of these realizations came about living a few hours away from home when moving to college, these understandings intensified when attempting to establish yourself in a new and far place. However, no matter how things change and how you change and where you live or where they live, you learn that family that has your back will always have your back. And there is no better feeling on earth than knowing you can count on them.

Athina Lawson

WAIP Autumn 2016